The Sparrow In His Care

Embracing Another Test of Trust

Happy Monday!  First thing, I want to remind you to register for the SPIRITUAL SEEDS PLANNER PACKAGE GIVEAWAY!  while there’s still time.  The winner will be announced in only three more days, so today and tomorrow are the final days to register.  It’s quick and easy to register!

And now for today’s point.  It never fails.  When I make a commitment to show up and be present for you, things seem to fall apart.  With many plans last week to share about the Spiritual Seeds Planner and giveaway, things couldn’t happen the way I’d planned.  And further, the week brought so many varied emotions!

Monday brought an unexpected continuation of more nausea than usual from the chemo infusion I had the Friday before, so I was physically challenged for much of the week.  Not that big of a deal, but it limited keeping some prior commitments.

Monday afternoon brought a sudden appointment for a bone scan.  I’ve had pain in my thigh for several years that has become more constant, so it was time to pinpoint arthritis or bursitis, etc.   Naturally, the sudden appointment brought schedule changes.  And, the question why.  Why the hurry?  Is there something my oncologist isn’t telling me?  (No one gets an appointment that soon these days.  Do they?)

Our 31st wedding anniversary on Wednesday brought a quick over-night trip to Jackson, where we were married (and also where the bone scan was to take place on Thursday).  We had a wonderful dinner at an old favorite restaurant.  The day brought lots of laughter (my favorite emotion) over certain wedding memories.

Thursday’s scan brought a Whoa! worry during the procedure.  After injecting my body with radiation early in the day (yikes, right?), the radiologist conducting the scan let me know he was specifically looking for cancer in my thigh – or anywhere new in my body.  What?  I thought I was having him check for bursitis or arthritis!  Not another cancer!

It wasn’t fear, exactly, that flooded through me.  Maybe more of a what now?  Will this be a new part of my journey, and what if it is?

Is this the part where I brace for impact again, Lord?
Are we really doing another major medical thing together?
Do I trust You in whatever this might be?
Must I embrace this, Lord?

So many questions and feelings swirling inside.  Shallow breaths.  It was really all I could do to gather my feelings, my emotions, my trust in the Lord as I lay on that table, and let it be.  Whatever it would be.  Would . . . I . . . trust Him?  Gulp.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Mathew 10:29-31)

The Sparrow In His Care
Photo by Dipankar Gogoi on Unsplash

Whatever the test revealed, I would be OK.  I knew that in my head but not down deep yet.  I was trying to take mind over matter (feelings/emotions).  I reminded myself why.  Because the Lord is with me and He values me.  (And He values you, too, in whatever your current season.)

Hubs drove us home, confident that it wasn’t anything new.  I hoped he was right but didn’t share his confidence.  (Sorry for being such a doubting Thomas, Lord!)

Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24) Click To Tweet

I want to be better at believing!  Better at trusting Him.  Do you?

He is so faithful and worthy of my trust!  After all my tough seasons, I should be good at trusting by now.  Does it ever become easy?  Is trusting the Lord your natural reflex when hard things come to you?  I feel it should be mine.  But, why isn’t it yet?

And, that brings another thought . . .

How are you doing this Christmas season?  Are you in a coinciding tough season?  With Christmas celebrations of Christ’s birth ahead being canceled due to stinkin’ Covid (“Go away, Covid”, in Jesus’ name!), what are you planning instead?  Please share your ideas.  We ALL need them!  🙂

Oh, and I almost forgot.  Late Friday, the results came.  Praise the Lord, no new cancer!  So, we celebrated the goodness and the grace of God.  I wonder, though.  If the news was otherwise, would I celebrate and praise The God Who Stands Beside Me In All Things?  Could I, at this point in my journey?

Would you?  Could you?

Because He lives~

 

Hi and welcome! It's wonderful to have fellow "embracers" during some pretty tough seasons - and some triumphant ones, too. I invite you to enroll to receive my blog posts by email so you don't miss what's coming next.

6 Comments

  • Rhonda

    Oh Kim, Hallelujah!!!! So thankful as I know you are. Your post is right on point and something I need to hear at this “oh no, not this again” moment in my life. Enough said, Prayers please.

  • Trudy

    I’m so, so sorry you’re dealing with cancer and chemo, Kim. I love how you honestly share your questions with God and with us. Also your struggle to remember His promises and His faithfulness. “Because the Lord is with me and He values me.” I need to remember that, too! I love that Matthew 10 verse, so thank you for reminding me of it. Love and blessings of strength and peace as you go through this difficult journey!

    • Kim

      You are so kind, Trudy. Thank you! God has been so good to keep me well in spite of illnesses. Thanks for stopping by today from Grace & Truth. It’s great to meet more sisters in Christ. 🙂

  • Lisa notes

    SO thankful that it wasn’t any new cancer, Kim!!! I hate to think of the petty things I’ve been complaining about when you’ve been going through so many things. I had a few medical tests this month as well and thankfully all turned out either normal or something easily treatable. Blessings to you as you continue through this season. We just finished our Christmas celebrations this weekend, so I’m praying I won’t be too sad this coming week with no scheduled activities. I’m ready to kick covid to the curb too. 🙁

    • Kim

      Awe, Lisa, thank you! We all have our “junk” to deal with, and there are plenty of others who have a heavier burden than I. God has truly carried me through it all. He gets all the glory! I was so happy to see your comment this morning. What a nice surprise. Sorry my reply was slow, but I don’t always get an email alert, for some reason. :-/ I’m glad you’ve had an early and blessed Christmas. Hey, if you get too sad this week of no more celebrations, get in touch, and we could meet in my Zoom room! Wouldn’t that be a kick since we’ve never met face to face? Hugs, and a continued Merry Christmas to you! 🙂

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